Half Time Bovril

So for our latest trip we thought the bets way to decide where we were going to would be to try and select a fixture at random. We ended up with Berwick Rangers vs. Elgin City, but with the thought of having to travel all the way to Berwick, when we could go to the title party at Gretna we changed our minds once again!

Again we lost a man, with Mark having to stay behind on this occasion, so it would just be myself and Jamie on the trip down the motorway. We wanted to make an afternoon of it so I decided to drive so that we were away for longer than 2 hours!

Gretna could win the 1st Division if they secured all 3 points against their title rivals St Johnstone, so a sell out was expected. Raydale park has a capacity of 3000, which is 300 more than the population of Gretna, but unsurprisingly it was full. The stadium has a lot to be desired, and is in desperate need of upgrading which it is duly getting next season. If they gain promotion they will need to increase it to 6000 capacity to meet SPL standards. There are 2 stands, one completely seated at the end, with another partly seated, partly standing running the length of the pitch on one side.

We took our place in the standing area for the beginning of the match to be greeted by a giant cock on the pitch. And no we aren’t meaning Chic Young, who was also there. The match kicked off with Gretna pressing well and striking the bar inside the first 15 minutes, but that was about as close as Gretna came for the rest of the match. Some of the hardcore Gretna fans proceeded to abuse the linesman, in a fashion we’ve regularly seen, but the poor guy hadn’t had a decision to make, so not sure what they had against him. Jason Scotland opened the scoring when his shot took a huge deflection, caring it past the Gretna keeper. It didn’t take much longer for Scotland to double his tally before half time when he latched onto a through ball, and slotting calmly past the keeper. We thought this might have given Gretna a kick up the arse, but unfortunately it didn’t, and the second half continued with a lack lustre display from Gretna, and even when St Johnstone were reduced to 10 men they still couldn’t break them down. St Johnstone sat back, defending well, and releasing the ball to Scotland who was able to turn whoever was marking him as if he wasn’t even there. The final whistle came, and a swift exit was made, and not before long we were home again, reflecting on what could have been if we had gone to the 0-0 draw at Berwick.

About the only good thing about the day was the fact it was blazing sunshine, which we hope we see a lot more of on our future travels.

Quality of Seat: 1/5 Quality of Banter: 2/5 Quality of Ground: 1/5 (It will be getting reconstructed next season if Gretna gain promotion) Quality of Pie: 2/5 Overall: 2/5

With a tight schedule we have been hard pushed to get to any game at the moment, so when we saw that the Dumbarton vs Stenhousemuir game had been rescheduled for a Tuesday night we went out our ways to make sure we got to it.
With a full squad of the Bovril team, and the addition of Alistair’s younger cousin Cameron, a die hard Sons fans, we ventured down to the Strathclyde Homes Stadium under Dumbarton Rock. For a mid table 3rd Division match we were not expecting anything pretty, or even for a big turnout, but the Dumbarton fans came out in their numbers with a crowd of around 500.


On the way to the stadium, Jamie in his usual fashion was firing down the motorway and had initiated the flux capacitor and when we were half way back to 1984, we were shocked to see him commenting on the speed of another driver on the other side of the carriage way doing about 90mph. The sound was made worse by the fact he was leaning out his open window asking if we could hear the high pitched sound of his brake pads rubbing against the wheel!


We arrived at the stadium with a few minutes to spare and were warmly greeted by what looked like a resident flea market just inside the turnstile. We quickly made for a seat in the new stadium to enjoy the match from, which turned out to be amongst the hardcore Sons supporters. The game itself wasn’t the worst game we had ever seen with Dumbarton knocking the ball around, but failing to do anything in the final third. This was probably due to the fact their striker looked like he had no idea where the goal was or even how to a kick a ball. The highlight was the supporters heckling the players constantly for the 90 minutes, which on a cold Tuesday night was brilliant! Stenhousemuir took the lead before the break in what was a rare venture up the pitch, and was partly thanks to some poor goalkeeping. This lead to chants of “There’s no soap in Steny!” which was quite amusing.
In the second half Dumbarton pressed for the equaliser and got it when Scott McCulloch headed past his own keeper, with a finish any striker would be proud of!


So the game ended 1-1, and Cameron being a bit disappointed that his team didn’t pick up the full 3 points based on their first half performance.

Quality of Seat: 3/5 Quality of Banter: 5/5 Quality of Ground: 3/5 Quality of Pie: 3/5 (Cameron seemed to enjoy it) Overall: 3/5

Our latest outing saw us taking a trip to the Excelsior Stadium in Airdrie, minus Jamie again, which was due to him being incapacitated from the night before. With the addition of TomTom we didn’t think it would be too hard to find, unless of course you sit and gab and not listen to the thing when it tells you to take this exit from the motorway! So with a slight detour we got there without any bother a bit early.

The stadium is fairly new, having been built in 1998, shortly before the demise of the former football club Airdrieonians. Airdrie United were formed, or should we say bought Clydebank and renamed it, and moved back to the stadium that was built for them originally.

Airdrie were taking on Queen of the South in a bottom of the table clash, which could prove decisive in the relegation battle. Queen of the South were propping up the bottom, with Airdrie 4 points above all though the Doonhamers had a game in hand.
So taking this into consideration, and Mike McCurry being the referee, we though we would be in for a pretty decent game of football.

The match itself was pretty scrappy with Queen of the South taking an early lead from the spot when Neil McGowan brought down Sean O’Connor inside the box. It only took another 20 minutes for the away support to be celebrating their team doubling their lead with Stephen Dobbie bagging his second of the afternoon. Airdrie battled hard and were certainly not helped by the very inconsistent refereeing from Mike McCurry, which in all honesty is something we are growing to expect from him. We have seen him referee a few matches this season, and his performances have a lot to be desired. For a ref who is considered one of the better referees in the country it makes you wonder what kind of state the game is coming into. This all came into plain view on the 52nd minute when he showed McGowan the red card for a two footed challenge in which he clearly won the ball. In all fairness, in what was a 50/50 ball, both players were diving in two footed, and McGowan just happened to be the unlucky one. This was the final nail in Airdrie’s coffin for the afternoon, which was finished off with a 3rd goal from O’Connor with 25 minutes left on the clock. It was at this point we noticed the advertisement for the Glasgow strip club Diamond Dolls in the corner, which was a fitting end to the game as we felt we were watching a bunch of tits and Mike McCurry left with his face looking like a smacked arse.

At this point we just want to mention the gentleman the paramedics were working on at half time in the gents toilets. We are not sure what happened, or what the outcome was, but we did hear that unfortunately he died. If this is true then we send our condolences to the family, in what must be a difficult time for them.

We thoroughly enjoyed the match, with the Airdrie fans giving it their all for most of it, giving Mike McCurry a good ribbing for his usual terrible performance. I don’t think the final result was a fair representation of the game, but its goals that count, and this could possibly seal Airdrie’s fate in becoming a 2nd Division club.

Quality of Seat: 4/5 Quality of Banter: 3/5 Quality of Ground: 3/5 Quality of Pie: ?/5 (We were too full after a lunch time McDonalds) Overall: 3/5

The destination this week was Fir Park, we decided after enjoying the previous Scottish cup tie with Morton that we would venture to their next cup game. Motherwell have been struggling in the SPL this season but were boosted by the news midweek that they would be keeping Scott McDonald after a surprise bid by Rangers at the end of the January transfer window. Morton on the other hand were full of confidence going into this tie after their demolition of Kilmarnock in the previous round which set this game up to be a cracker.

So with the game chosen and as we were preparing to leave, Jamie the hypochondriac was claiming he was unwell and therefore could not venture out the house to attend the game, although we all know it was because he didn’t want to wear the new ‘half time bovril’ hoodie he bought, which could probably shelter a poor family of 5 (which may have been useful in some areas of Motherwell on initial viewing). So we drove up to Motherwell with plenty of time before kick-off and with out new hooded tops looking like a right couple of (to put it technically) numpties.

After parking the car in our typically dodgy manner (in an area where theft is considered an employment) we proceeded to walk up to the stadium getting a glance of the Davie Cooper Stand as we passed by the Motherwell support. We headed over to the opposite end for the away fans, only to realise the queue was right up next to the neighbouring car dealership. As with the previous round this delayed the kick-off by twenty minutes which shows the enthusiasm the people of Greenock have for their team.

We eventually managed to get into the ground and get seated with the majority of the crowd being more excited than the boy in the picture below (who must have been told off for not finishing granddads haircut). Our initial impressions of the ground were good and it looked more impressive in real-life than it does on the television with the seats being relatively comfortable and having a decent leg room (Albion Rovers take note).

So the game kicked off with the game being evenly balanced on the initial stages with Morton having the bulk of the attacking football. After 10 minutes a goal came from Brian Kerr against the run of play to the dismay of the Morton supporters. The Greenock side continued to probe the Motherwell defence but again a slip in concentration and Scott McDonald was ready to pounce launching the home side into a comfortable lead. The second half was much the same with both teams being evenly matched with Motherwell comfortably handling anything created by Morton. The Morton fans were in full voice for the duration of the match again, and had even started in the queue to get in. With some quality chants, including a very true “What a shitey home support” (about 300 home fans bothered to sing anything), the fans certainly tried to give their team the needed lift, but unfortunately it never came. The last throw of the dice was to change the ineffective Chris Templeman (which is in direct contrast to the previous round). The game finally finished after the Greenock side tried everything they could to bring themselves back into the game which eventually was won based on decisive finishing.

Quality of Seat: 4/5 (good view and decent space) Quality of Banter: 4/5 (some cracking chants and banter between the fans) Quality of Ground: 3/5 Quality of Pie: ?/5 (Didn’t see the shop) Overall: 4/5 (Good game overall)

Today sees the eagerly awaited launch of the halftimebovril.com shop! For all the fans out there just longing to be a part of the team, now is your chance. From t-shirts to mousemats you can fully personalise your clobber to be a walking advertisement for the site!

All you have to do is click the link on the left or follow this: